I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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