I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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