So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
