There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
