There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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