thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
