OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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