I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
