Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
