Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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