I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
