Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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