I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
