TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
