Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
