im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
