if i can run in heels then i can drive
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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