it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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