taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you will always have a special place in my vag
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
