i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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