Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
