I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
