don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
