I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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