That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
