i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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