forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
