Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Randomize
