I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
