No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
