Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
