Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Two words: nipple clamps
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