my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
