you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
