a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I love having hate sex.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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