So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
