dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
