you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I believe in your delicious
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
