I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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