Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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