4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
