Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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