I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
