FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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