...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We don't watch enough power rangers
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
