He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
