I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
