I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
