Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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