This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
