I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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