You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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