You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
