U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
