YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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