Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
