I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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