I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
