Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
A bitchslap is in order.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
