Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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