We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
