So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
