i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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