Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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